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Well, crap. posted 12.22.08 00:23

Well, here we are, a couple days before I have to drive down for Christmas and I'm not done shopping yet. Actually, I have no idea what to buy for most people down there. I went to the mall today. There was 1,000,000,000 there. Half of them were at the Apple store.

You know what I'm honestly thinking? Liquor. I mean, can you really go wrong with that? Hmm, now that I think about it, maybe you can. I mean, they already think I'm like Kracker (a.k.a. an alcoholic). Would giving all my brothers a bottle of Jack or Jim be fostering that image?

Last year, I got everyone a board game. You know, they're all married and have families of their own. So I figured giving them something that we used to play would be cool. That way they could have a family night with Monopoly or Scrabble or even Chutes and Ladders. But, I don't think that went over so well. I used to give each family a movie I think they'd enjoy. But now, one of my brothers gets bootlegged films. Like, while they're still in the theater. Fucker, ruined my gift ideas with his piracy.

I had started buying them all some kind of food item. You know those big gingersnaps tins from World Market? I was going to get each family one of those. Of course, when I got there, they were all gone... except for 4. I bought the last 4 tins in the Metroplex. Now what?

What about fruit baskets? Fruit cakes? Fruit roll ups? What if I just gave everyone a framed picture of me and my cat? (That's what I'm getting Kracker. Except in that one, I'm naked.) What if everyone got a nice pair of socks and a pack of new underwear? Handkerchiefs? Maybe I'll get everyone the book I saw at Urban Outfitters called, "What your poo says about you."

Maybe I'll get everyone a gift certificate to The Walmarts (that's how they say it down there). Shit. Now I have to go to The Walmarts.